Copyright

Please note that all posts are copyright. Do not reprint in whole or in part without permission of the author. You may refer to one of my posts in your own writing; simply include the link(s) so readers can be taken directly to my work. Thank you, and enjoy! ~Susan

Monday, 1 February 2016

QOTM: Love, Lost and Found


I started seeing my now-husband shortly after my last boyfriend and I broke up. I’d spent over three years with him and I think he was somewhat perturbed that I jumped into a new relationship so quickly. “Are you sure you’re not on the rebound?” he asked in a “concerned” phone call.

“I’m sure,” I said firmly. “I know what it means to be on the rebound, and this isn’t it.” Then I got rid of him quickly. The nerve – we were through, right?! 

Relationships certainly teach you things. My relationship with my boyfriend taught me that the heart can be easily misled and that your brain can take a vacation just when you need it the most. Not that you’d listen to it anyway. At such times – falling in love times – you don’t often listen to the people who love you and have the most invested in you, so why would you listen to your brain?

I learned that you can actually be deceived and manipulated into falling in love and that you can fall out of love pretty darn quickly, but first you have to go through some hard things and learn some hard lessons. It hurts, and it’s wiser to learn from others’ experiences if you can. But if that’s not your way, if you prefer to ignore all that and pursue your own path (what happened to them will never happen to you?), remember this: no experience is wasted if you gain something from it. And don’t just learn; apply what you’ve learned to your life going forward. That is true gain.

When I went from relationship A to relationship B, I was a transformed person. Because of what I’d been through I knew I’d do things differently from there on in. I’d pay better attention to red flags; I’d be myself instead of what I thought someone else wanted me to be; I wouldn’t tolerate certain behaviours.

Fast forward to today. I’ve been married more than 20 years (not bad for the rebound, eh?). My marriage isn’t perfect but it’s pretty darn good. When I finally understood that it was time to ‘lose’ my boyfriend once and for all, I ‘found’ someone who shared my beliefs and values, someone loyal and true, someone who loves me incredibly well even after all this time.

Over the last couple of years my husband and I have lost time together and that has been a problem. This year we’re committed to finding and making time. Love, we know, is more than a feeling; it’s an action. Love is intentional.
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Are you part of the Question of the Month blog hop?  Why not join us? Today’s edition is brought to you jointly by Arlee Bird and Michael D’Agostino.





32 comments:

  1. So true love should be an action, a positive one that is.

    I'm a part of the love lost and found.

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    1. Thanks for visiting, T. Looking forward to reading your post on today's subject!

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  2. You've made some excellent points here. Relationships, both good and bad, teach us a lot about ourselves.

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  3. Hi,
    Very wise words. Going from an old relationship to a new one puts you in a position to start over and not make the same mistakes again. I enjoyed reading your post.
    Shalom,
    Patricia

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    1. Thanks, Patricia. Learning from mistakes is much better than not learning from them!

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  4. Yay! I think we also can have this fear that if we let go of what we have, we'll never find anything to replace it. Way to go you, for letting go and finding your ever after.

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    1. Thanks, Crystal. That's very true. Sometimes we stay in relationships far too long because we're afraid of being alone or of not finding a more loving and available partner.

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  5. Sad thing - some never learn. But those who do are all the more prepared for the next relationship.

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    1. Yes, it's sad not to learn and to keep repeating the same mistakes through your life. We see it all the time, unfortunately.

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  6. Hi Susan. I love your post. People are quick to judge when you go from one relationship into another but sometimes there are reasons only we can understand. I did that in 2014. AFter 7 years with someone who was very difficult, I grew tired of it and we parted in January. In June I met my new man and in December we moved in together. We've been together since and we both are happy and content. So happy your 'rebound' turned out like it did too!

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    1. Glad you finally saw the light, Barb, and got out of your old relationship. Yay that you've found someone new and that you contribute to one another's happiness!

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  7. Great story, and love the lessons. Some are harder than others, and I'm one to always make my own mistakes. Plenty of them.

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    1. Yep, we all make mistakes and wish we could do things over differently. All we can do is learn and move on.

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  8. Interesting story. I really like your closing remark; Love is intentional. When it isn't we had better question if it is really love.

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  9. "Love is intentional." Yes. YES! Falling in love might not be, but staying in love certainly is. Funny how when we (finally) commit to being true to ourselves that "perfect" person seems to arrive, isn't it?

    Thank you so much for being a part of the Lost & Found hop!
    Guilie @ Quiet Laughter

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    1. Thanks for chiming in Guilie, and you're right - so often we meet the 'perfect' person when we've finally decided to be ourselves.

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  10. Excellent points! All of our experiences have a way of training us for the better things ahead. I love your line: "Love, we know, is more than a feeling; it’s an action. Love is intentional." VERY powerful and very true indeed.
    Great post!

    Michele at Angels Bark

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    1. Thanks, Michele. And you're right - life is an education-provider!

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  11. It will be like falling in love all over again!

    Thanks for sharing with us!
    Heather

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    1. Yes, that'll be fun! Thanks for the encouragement, Heather :)

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  12. My brain takes vacations a little so often it collects frequent flyer miles.

    Nothing wrong with a rebound. It beats letting your ball roll out of bounds and returning it to the other side ;)

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    1. We have to watch those brains!! :)

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  13. Sounds like when you lost the ex, you made a definite upgrade to get to your found love. It can be really hard to leave a relationship, but sometimes, it's the best path. Good for you!

    I darned near married the wrong guy. We'd ordered the wedding invitations, put a down payment on a gown, blah, blah, blah. Then I woke up and paid attention to the red flags I'd been ignoring. Thank God! The right guy and I have been married for almost 47 years.

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    1. Thank God indeed, Susan! Congratulations on 47 years with the right guy. May we both enjoy many more milestones with our beloved husbands.

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  14. Love can be such a mystery--actually no "can be" about it. Love is a mystery! After my second divorce I was very cautious about entering another relationship. I'm glad it eventually happened though as it has turned out well for me.

    Thank you for providing some great insight for the Lost & Found blog hop.

    Arlee Bird
    Wrote By Rote

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    1. Glad we both found the 'right' someone, Arlee! As the saying goes, though, 'once bitten, twice shy.' You just never know what's going to happen when you begin a relationship.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  15. I love your view of love in this article! After being in an unhappy marriage for years, getting out at the risk of being alone was necessary. It might seem that I found real love quickly, but after the pain and loneliness, Bob knew exactly what I needed, and his support and encouragement certainly verified our love for each other.
    Debra

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    1. I'm sorry to hear your marriage was so unhappy, Debra. I'm sure you hid it well. Congratulations on your new love. May you and Bob enjoy many joyful years together.

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  16. What a great post, right in time for V-day! I'm so happy you found your love. And 20 years...definitely not a rebound! My story is similar to yours, although my first relationship lasted almost 10 years before it died a nasty death. I was told by several people not to jump into another love affair too quickly, that I was moving too fast with D, etc. But one of my closest friends hugged me and said, "Don't listen to 'em. You know what's right for you. You know what you're doing." And so I did!

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    1. And here we are today, still loving the guys God sent us at just the right time <3

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