I started seeing my now-husband shortly after my last boyfriend and I broke up. I’d spent over three years with him and I think he was somewhat perturbed that I jumped into a new relationship so quickly. “Are you sure you’re not on the rebound?” he asked in a “concerned” phone call.
“I’m sure,” I said firmly. “I know what it means to be on the rebound, and this isn’t it.” Then I got rid of him quickly. The nerve – we were through, right?!
Relationships certainly teach you things. My relationship with my boyfriend taught me that the heart can be easily misled and that your brain can take a vacation just when you need it the most. Not that you’d listen to it anyway. At such times – falling in love times – you don’t often listen to the people who love you and have the most invested in you, so why would you listen to your brain?
I learned that you can actually be deceived and manipulated into falling in love and that you can fall out of love pretty darn quickly, but first you have to go through some hard things and learn some hard lessons. It hurts, and it’s wiser to learn from others’ experiences if you can. But if that’s not your way, if you prefer to ignore all that and pursue your own path (what happened to them will never happen to you?), remember this: no experience is wasted if you gain something from it. And don’t just learn; apply what you’ve learned to your life going forward. That is true gain.
When I went from relationship A to relationship B, I was a transformed person. Because of what I’d been through I knew I’d do things differently from there on in. I’d pay better attention to red flags; I’d be myself instead of what I thought someone else wanted me to be; I wouldn’t tolerate certain behaviours.
Fast forward to today. I’ve been married more than 20 years (not bad for the rebound, eh?). My marriage isn’t perfect but it’s pretty darn good. When I finally understood that it was time to ‘lose’ my boyfriend once and for all, I ‘found’ someone who shared my beliefs and values, someone loyal and true, someone who loves me incredibly well even after all this time.
Over the last couple of years my husband and I have lost time together and that has been a problem. This year we’re committed to finding and making time. Love, we know, is more than a feeling; it’s an action. Love is intentional.
Are you part of the Question of the Month blog hop? Why not join us? Today’s edition is brought to you jointly by Arlee Bird and Michael D’Agostino.