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Monday, 3 October 2016

Question of the Month

This is the last 'Question of the Month' hop Michael is hosting, so of course he's chosen a really deep question for us:
“What’s a decision you’ve made in the past that you know, logically, was the right decision to make, but which you still feel guilty or regretful about?”
Thanks Michael (I say while sticking my tongue out)!

So, here goes, and I rather like a quotation I found today while thinking about this piece:
"No regrets in life, just lessons learned."
 Lesson learned, I do still feel badly about a decision I made almost 15 years ago, even though I feel it was ultimately the best choice for our family.

We were living in Toronto, our hometown, when 9/11 happened. The attack hit me really hard, even though no one I knew personally died or was wounded. It made me rethink my life - what I wanted to do with it, where I wanted to live, etc. At some point I discussed this with my husband and we started to consider things we could change in order to create the life I envisioned; a life where I would be home more for our family and in which I would be able to pursue my dream of writing. We decided that we'd need to move from Toronto with its high cost of living to a smaller community where housing was less expensive and we wouldn't require two full-time incomes.

While there've been times I've second-guessed the choices we made, I've always come to the conclusion that it was a good decision. I was able to be home with our kids full-time for three years after our move; I home-schooled them for three years after that (two years son, three daughter); I've been writing and getting the odd thing published...

I feel terrible about the timing, though. Just two weeks after my grandma died, we told my mom about our plans to move. Let's just say she took it badly. She lived on her own, had no other close family nearby, and a very small friend circle. Everything she knew, and her entire comfort zone, was there. She had no desire to transplant her roots the way we were doing.

It was hard, but we went ahead and moved anyway, six months after Grandma's passing. When I look back, I feel like I was a horrible daughter - timing-wise if nothing else. And I do think that the decisions we make are important and life-changing for everyone involved. If we had stayed in Toronto, we'd be attending a different church, know different people, be in full-time jobs. Our kids would have different friends, be on different paths, etc. For good or for bad we'll never know.

Life is a journey. If we only knew at various points what we know now, we might have made some different choices. But I always feel that the only wasted experience is one you don't learn from. I just wish no one had to get hurt in the process of another's education.

What about you? Any decisions you've made that were right for you but still left you feeling guilty or horrible? I promise not to judge.
Michael is looking for someone to host the QOTM going forward, so if you think you might be interested, please contact him: bulletproof-92 [at] outlook [dot] com

Thanks, Michael, for all of your work to date, and for a great run. All the best in your future endeavours, and do pop by when you have a moment!


  1. So true. Lessons learned shape our successes in the future. It's a sad thing to make a mistake and then just stay angry or remorseful about it instead of understanding what it means.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    1. So true. And anger leads to bitterness, remorse to depression/inaction, both of which rot a person on the inside.

  2. We all have decisions we wonder about, but as you have, I've learned from my mistakes--I hope. I know that was a tough decision for you. I hope it worked out for your mom. Perhaps you expanded her world. I applaud you for staying at home and pursuing your dream. I considered home schooling my daughter, but I knew I didn't have the patience for it. I admire you.


    1. I'm sure my mom would still prefer we lived in Toronto, but she's at least accepted the situation. Homeschooling does require a lot of patience. One of the reasons my son only got home schooled for two years instead of the three my daughter got ;) Thank you for the verbal hug.

    2. You're welcome. You deserve compliments. Your commitment is outstanding.


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